Keeping a relationship strong doesn’t have to be so complicated. There are certain defining characteristics that the happiest partners continually say they have honed for long-term success.
Of course, the most talked-about ones are love, passion, and connection. But let’s talk about the qualities you may not have thought about but are necessary for a partnership that stands the test of time.
The happiest couples swear by these four core habits, no overthinking required:
1. Having shared values
Your soulmate will share the same values on most topics. This is not to say that you will agree on everything, like which way the toilet paper should go on the roll or who should do the dishes.
However, you will be on the same page with the most important things in your lives, like what religion, if any, you are, or how to raise children.
There will be occasional arguments, but you will overall find that your lives flow very well together because you have shared values and morals about how you each choose to live your lives together.
2. Dreaming out loud together
Similar to shared values, this applies to your long-term plans together. It might be that you don’t have your entire life planned out yet (who does?), but you have an idea of your immediate plans for the next 5, 10, or 20 years.
It’s important to know if you are together on the same path, or if that path will become divided down the line, sending you in different directions. Because if you don’t intend to travel that same path, it’s not meant to be.
Do you both seek to live in the same location or type of environment? Do you both want to live the same lifestyle and see yourselves fulfilling some of your major dreams together?
This may sound like a given, but many don’t even think to broach this topic on that first coffee date. Yet, it’s crucial to know before you become a couple and your lives are then intertwined. A great question to ask is: What do you dream about doing in the future?
Shared dreams and life goals provide purpose, deepen connection, improve communication, and help couples navigate challenges together. One study found that 40% of couples cited a lack of shared goals as a factor in separation or divorce.
3. Keeping their word
This also sounds like a given, but so many overlook this important quality when first taken by good looks, charm, and chemistry: integrity. Does he walk his talk? Does he follow through? Do his actions back up his words?
Integrity means someone is honest, ethical, trustworthy, and has a truly strong moral compass. When relationships are founded on integrity, it’s a big sign that you and your person are meant to be together forever.
But just because someone doesn’t necessarily follow through every single time doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. However, if he’s having trouble living up to his promises and you’re always feeling let down by him, then he isn’t your soulmate.
Integrity in both partners creates a strong foundation of trust, respect, and mutual support, leading to deeper connection, healthier communication, and greater overall satisfaction in the relationship. While maintaining integrity can be challenging, the long-term benefits for both individuals and the relationship as a whole are substantial, one study argued.
4. Just liking each other, plain and simple
Yes, like. Not love, like. Meaning, do you like him as a person? Do you get along well? Can you hang out with him for a long time because you just like each other a lot?
Though this doesn’t sound as romantic as love or passion or connection, keep in mind that when you truly like someone, it doesn’t fade with time. In addition to being lovers and partners, you’re best friends and have a deep respect for each other.
Couples that truly like each other treat one another with kindness and respect, while continuing to be strong throughout a long-term relationship. The next time you find yourself getting overwhelmed with the idea that finding your soulmate is unattainable, remember these qualities first.
Studies indicate that positive communication, focusing on each other’s strengths, and a shared sense of connection are stronger predictors of a thriving relationship than individual traits or even handling only hardship.
While passion is high in the beginning, long-term relationships are often characterised by companionate love, which is based on friendship, mutual attraction, common interests, and concern for each other’s welfare.
